A Thousand Laughs You Couldn’t Hear

My mind fills with memories
as you talk at me.

You talk at me.

You don’t talk to me,
nor with me,
but you have,
talked about me.

While you ramble on and on,
my mind fills with memories
of the joy I’ve felt,
of the adventures I’ve had
and the people with whom I’ve danced,
of the fears I’ve boldly faced
and of how this beautiful woman
at whom you now assume to speak
blossomed into life and love.

I found myself
while you were too busy,
or simply saw no need
to pick up your phone
or hop on a plane
to join in my happiness.

You are too late,
and your efforts are too trivial.

Worse than that,
your approach is all wrong,
which you would know
as clear as day
if you had, at any time,
simply asked me
how I felt
or what I wanted.

Offering to help me run
from my responsibilities,
wanting me to give up
on my fantasy cafe;
to make myself a liar
or a hypocrite
by insisting I entertain
your selfish solutions to
problems not your own,
I find the taste and smell
of this one-way dialogue
does nothing but
distract me from my joy.

So, before you ask
me to sever ties with others,
or to choose another over you,
ask yourself how many times
in recent history
you have made me laugh
or brought a smile to my face.

Ask yourself if, in my place,
you would rather have silence,
loneliness and indifference
or if you would choose
with a clear conscious
and with complete confidence
the people who have made you
laugh a thousand times
and who only want you
to laugh a million more.

You aren’t in my thoughts
as you were never there
the thousand times I’ve laughed
throughout this last year.
I understand you’ve heard
I’ve shed a few tragic tears,
and I appreciate your conviction
that I should never hurt,
but I live and love those
who love me enough to listen
to the yearnings of my heart,
who relentlessly cheer me on
each and every day.

I am sad you aren’t in
any of my fond memories.
I wish you were willing
to join in my happiness,
to participate in my joy.
I want to invite you
to be a part of my life,

but I still can’t get a word in.


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