Object In A Hotel Mirror

Spiral through dreamscape eyes
Time ticks beneath her mind
Where have all the good times gone
Up audacious flaring nostrils
Fueling unspeakable truths

Lost among the other slaves
She hears her mother’s voice
Intoned in ceaseless wind
Whistling through a window frame
Condemning unspeakable truths

Mascara cannot hide the ugly
She sees in her own reflection
As she smashes her own reflection
Blood falling among the shattered
Consequences of unspeakable truths

In lyrics she can not forget
From a song she can not remember
She slows and deepens troubled breath
Closes her eyes and heart to context
Lifting herself from unspeakable truths

Dressed in sweaty wrinkles
Deep cuts bound in toilet paper gauze
Makeup wiped from bruised cheeks
She opens the door ahead
Leaving behind unspeakable truths

Down the bright but lonely road
She meets a fellow walking slow
Asks him where he intends to go
And joins him on recovery’s road
Where she finally speaks the truth

Key

Having that key
meant more to me
than just a way in.

It represented
a bond between us
considered permanent.

Were my desires
such an abomination;
such a threat?

Did you have to
banish me that way;
taking back your key?

A Thousand Laughs You Couldn’t Hear

My mind fills with memories
as you talk at me.

You talk at me.

You don’t talk to me,
nor with me,
but you have,
evidently,
talked about me.

While you ramble on and on,
my mind fills with memories
of the joy I’ve felt,
of the adventures I’ve had
and the people with whom I’ve danced,
of the fears I’ve boldly faced
and of how this beautiful woman
at whom you now assume to speak
blossomed into life and love.

I found myself
while you were too busy,
or simply saw no need
to pick up your phone
or hop on a plane
to join in my happiness.

You are too late,
and your efforts are too trivial.

Worse than that,
your approach is all wrong,
which you would know
as clear as day
if you had, at any time,
simply asked me
how I felt
or what I wanted.

Offering to help me run
from my responsibilities,
wanting me to give up
on my fantasy cafe;
to make myself a liar
or a hypocrite
by insisting I entertain
your selfish solutions to
problems not your own,
I find the taste and smell
of this one-way dialogue
does nothing but
distract me from my joy.

So, before you ask
me to sever ties with others,
or to choose another over you,
ask yourself how many times
in recent history
you have made me laugh
or brought a smile to my face.

Ask yourself if, in my place,
you would rather have silence,
loneliness and indifference
or if you would choose
with a clear conscious
and with complete confidence
the people who have made you
laugh a thousand times
and who only want you
to laugh a million more.

You aren’t in my thoughts
as you were never there
the thousand times I’ve laughed
throughout this last year.
I understand you’ve heard
I’ve shed a few tragic tears,
and I appreciate your conviction
that I should never hurt,
but I live and love those
who love me enough to listen
to the yearnings of my heart,
who relentlessly cheer me on
each and every day.

I am sad you aren’t in
any of my fond memories.
I wish you were willing
to join in my happiness,
to participate in my joy.
I want to invite you
to be a part of my life,

but I still can’t get a word in.

My Unreliable Psyche

Everywhere I look I see
Gut-wrenching indications
things are not what they seem.

I can’t trust my eyes or ears.

Perceiving realities inaccurately,
my steps crush your feet–
my existence ruins your mood.

Peace between us is possible,
if only I could see the truth–
read the writing on the wall–

if only I could…

For a Better Partnership

Touch every part of me
From the spaces between
My toes and wings
Partnered in everything

I want you wherever I am
You are the best for me
My soul and body
Loving you sets me free

Give me consistency
Not here then there
Not hot then cold
But steadily at peace

You have more control
Than I know you conceive
And I need you to know
So we both can believe

And together become
For no one else on Earth
For ourselves and each other
The best partners we can be.

Never Good Enough

Words have always been the issue
Finding the words to say
Finding the right time and order
Finding…

Finding has always been the issue
Inability to find balance
Inability to find peace
Inability…

Don’t laugh at my inability
Cursed with constant inadequacy
Falling short of who I want to be
Failing…

…dying a little more each day.

Voice of Social Anxiety

You can follow the right formula;
The perfect recipe for success.
But there will always be something
you won’t be able to hide.

It might be your personality
or just the way to sketch your lines,
but this audience can’t stand you.
Don’t bother coming by.

No one is really listening,
or maybe they just can’t hear,
but you keep on rambling
as if anyone really cares.

Just shut up already!
Close your mouth! Move along!
But you can’t tell you’re not wanted.
For us, you are all wrong.