Scars From Wanting Love

My cat crawls into my lap.
His choice, not mine.
Nonetheless, I welcome him
and do my best to accommodate,
because I love him
and want to touch him more.

But, sometimes I’m not to his liking.
My posture or the placement of my arm
just doesn’t live up to expectation.

So he nibbles, 
bites, 
kneads 
and scratches,
all to let me know
he is not okay with me.

But I am not okay
sitting there
accommodating him
while he abuses me,
hurts me,
demanding I change
for him.

So, I face my choice:
Do I stay and endure abuse
while changing all my ways
just to accommodate him,
trying to live up to his expectations?
Or, do I push him away,
forfeiting my desire to touch him?

Whatever I do
doesn’t change what I want.

I want to touch him more.
I want him to purr in my arms.
I want him to want me
and to accept me just as I am;
just as I accept him.

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