There are poems I should have kept to myself,
jobs bosses wish I never have took,
lovers I should have never held,
prayers God pretends I never prayed,
and a great many other things
you shouldn’t mention in my eulogy.
I’ve asked you to write something about me
because I don’t trust anyone else to say it better.
Use this time to show off your talents.
Make the most of this opportunity.
Try not to focus too much on me.
I know. I know.
It’s my funeral.
Everyone is there to commemorate me.
Or so they say.
Most are likely there just to make sure
I’ll stay out of their lives forever this time.
As I lie here dying by my own hand
I figure that cliche might this time be true:
the best part of me was always you.
Don’t say anything about that in the speech, though,
or they’ll think you’re conceited and stop listening.
Make the eulogy about me,
but make it one of those speeches
where many words don’t really say much.
Get them lost in the beauty of the speaker,
Helping them do the best thing they can possibly do:
Forget I ever existed.